my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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