I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
