I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
