He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
