Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
