She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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