after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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