Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
COCAINE IS GR8
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
