You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
