He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
