i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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