Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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