rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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