Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
