Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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