I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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