Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
