I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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