I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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