Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
