is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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