they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
