We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
