even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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