oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
