puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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