I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
