She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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