I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
