I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
