so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
