I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
