he shaved USA in his pubs
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
