i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
