we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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