I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
