Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
