I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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