I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
