You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
