i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Jerry, you need to find god
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
