she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
