Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you win again, gameday.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Randomize
