Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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