you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
