One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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