I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
