sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
