I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
