you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
